18 Jul 2024
Languishing is a term that has captured the attention of many, especially in the context of the recent global upheaval. It describes a state where you're not necessarily depressed but you're not feeling the full vitality of emotional health either.
For me, languishing feels like being stuck in a perpetual fog. When I experienced it, I felt a persistent dullness, as if all the colour had been drained from my daily experiences.
Good for: Overcoming floating aimlessly, feelings of dullness and lacking vitality.
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There have been two significant moments in my life where I felt deeply stuck and drifting without direction.
The first of these moments happened after I finished university. Despite having graduated, I found myself working a retail job that felt disconnected from the ambitious dreams and plans I had nurtured during my college years.
This left me feeling aimless and listless, merely passing each day without a clear sense of purpose or progress. The mundane routine of my job contrasted sharply with the life I had envisioned for myself, plunging me into a state of uncertainty about my life's direction.
The second instance occurred when running my first business, Nappy Cakes UK. I had high hopes and solid plans, but reality quickly set in as things did not proceed as expected.
The challenges and setbacks I faced were disheartening, and I found myself grappling with the same feelings of being stuck that I had experienced post-university.
Most days felt like a struggle, and I was just going through the motions, unable to gain the momentum I so desperately needed. This period of my life was similarly filled with self-doubt and a pervasive sense of not moving forward, which again led me to question my choices and the path I was pursuing.
These experiences profoundly impacted my self-esteem and left me wondering about the future and my place in it.
One day my daughter, who was about 4 years old at the time took a picture of me lying on the sofa in a miserable state. When I saw the photo, I vowed that I wouldn't let this happen again and snapped out of it.
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How does languishing feel?
It's been compared to the sensation of floating aimlessly, not tethered to clear objectives or emotional highs and lows. The challenge can be significant because languishing doesn’t scream for attention—it whispers, making it harder to recognise and address.
It's the middle child between depression and flourishing, where flourishing is the peak of well-being, filled with positivity and a sense of purpose.
Languishing can subtly undermine your drive and satisfaction, leading to a decrease in your ability to reach personal and professional goals. It’s like running a race with a subtle headwind; you might not notice it immediately, but it hampers your progress.
The Opposite of Languishing: Flourishing
For me, flourishing feels like waking up excited and ready for the day, knowing exactly what you want to achieve. It’s feeling full of energy and looking at even the small tasks as important.
When you're flourishing, you feel happier more often and find deeper meaning in life, making you feel strong and confident as you handle challenges and take on new opportunities. This overall sense of happiness and capability is what flourishing feels like to me.
Imagine yourself thriving, filled with energy and purpose. What activities are you engaging in? Who are you connecting with? Visualising your best possible self can inspire you to move beyond languishing.
Dr. Corey Keyes’ Five Tips to Overcome Languishing
Dr. Corey Keyes, who is well-known for his research on positive mental health, offers several strategies to help individuals move from languishing to flourishing. Here are five actionable tips based on his insights:
Identify and Cultivate Your Strengths. Spend time recognising what you are good at and find ways to integrate these strengths into your daily activities. Whether it’s creativity, empathy, or analytical skills, using your strengths can boost your mood and enhance your engagement with tasks.
Set Clear and Achievable Goals. One of the hallmarks of flourishing is the pursuit of meaningful goals. Break your larger goals into small, manageable tasks that you can tackle on a daily basis. This will help you feel a sense of accomplishment and forward momentum.
Build Social Connections. Strong relationships are a cornerstone of psychological well-being. Invest time in nurturing relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Even small interactions can make a big difference in how you feel.
Engage in Activities That Promote Flow. This is a state of absorption where you lose track of time and feel immersed in the activity at hand. This could be anything from painting and writing to sports or coding. Find your flow by engaging in activities that challenge you without causing stress.
Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude. Mindfulness helps you to remain present and engaged, rather than ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. Gratitude, on the other hand, shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant in your life. Daily practices such as journaling or meditation can cultivate these qualities.
Today, my life looks remarkably different from those periods of languishing. I've transitioned into a state of flourishing, where I feel a strong sense of engagement and vitality in my daily activities. Now, I wake up with a purpose and a zest for life that was missing before.
I ensure most days are filled with activities that not only fulfil but energise me, allowing me to tap into my creativity and productivity that seemed out of reach during my times of stagnation.
This sense of flourishing didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual shift, propelled by intentional changes in my lifestyle and mindset. I started setting clear, achievable goals, reconnecting with my passions, and engaging more deeply with my community.
Each step forward built my confidence and reignited my enthusiasm for life. Now, I not only look forward to what each day brings, but I also feel equipped to handle challenges with resilience and optimism. The contrast between then and now is stark, and I am deeply grateful for the journey that has led me to this vibrant state of flourishing.
"Flourishing is not a destination, but a journey of continual growth and rediscovery. Embrace each day as an opportunity to bloom anew."
Reflective Question: "What steps can you take today to transition from merely surviving to actively thriving in your life?"
To conclude, to transform from languishing to flourishing is to embrace a life of richness and vigour. This week, I encourage you to apply Dr. Keyes' tips and observe how they influence your mood and productivity.
Thank you for reading!
Dionne
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Remember you can find more reflections and thought-provoking questions like this on the Reevew personal growth toolkit at reevew.co.
