Growth Strategy: #49 Self-Talk Workout

What are your internal conversations like? Do you talk kindly to yourself or does your inner critic run riot across your mind?

During my personal development journey, I've come to recognise the profound impact of the conversations I have with myself. I'm writing about this today because understanding and refining my inner dialogue has been transformative for me. Over the years, I've discovered that the way I talk to myself influences not just my mood but my overall life trajectory.

As always, in sharing my journey and the strategies that have aided me, I aim to provide insights that might help others who find themselves troubled by their inner critic. Changing your narrative can profoundly affect your life, and it begins with understanding and reshaping how you talk to yourself.

Good for: Better manage and improve your internal dialogue

Best used by: You

Dr. Rachel Turow, a clinical psychologist, has authored a book titled "The Self-Talk Workout: Practical Steps to Heal and Harness Your Inner Voice." This book presents techniques for individuals to better manage and improve their internal dialogue, focusing on the concept of self-talk, which is the inner voice that narrates, critiques, and influences a person's daily life and overall mental health.

Here are some key aspects of Turow's approach in The Self-Talk Workout:

1. Identifying Self-Talk: The first step is recognising the different types of self-talk, such as critical, supportive, or neutral. Awareness is crucial for making any change.

2. Understanding Triggers: Turow discusses identifying the situations and emotions that trigger negative or unhelpful self-talk. This understanding helps in managing reactions and changing patterns.

3. Changing the Narrative: The book offers practical steps to change harmful self-talk into more positive or supportive dialogue. This involves techniques like reframing thoughts, challenging negative beliefs, and using more compassionate language with oneself.

4. Exercises and Practices: Turow provides exercises to practice these skills, making the techniques more accessible and actionable. These practices help to solidify the new patterns of self-talk into everyday life.

This "workout" for self-talk is designed to be an active, ongoing process where individuals engage regularly with their inner dialogues to foster mental health and resilience.

Learning to address my inner voice has helped me build resilience against life's inevitable challenges. It has shifted my perspective during difficult times, allowing me to view setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles.

In sharing my journey and the strategies that have aided me, I aim to provide insights that might help others who find themselves troubled by their inner critic.

Changing your narrative can profoundly affect your life, and it begins with understanding and reshaping how you talk to yourself.

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How I changed my negative self-talk

Firstly, I identified negative thoughts. I start by pinpointing the specific thoughts that are negative or unhelpful. This often involved self-talk that undermined my confidence, magnified problems, or anticipated failure. It's crucial to catch these thoughts as they occur to understand their impact on my emotions and behaviours.

Next, I challenged the thoughts: Once the negative thoughts were identified, I challenged their validity. I ask myself critical questions like:

• "Is there evidence to support this thought?"

• "Are there other ways to view this situation?"

• "What would I tell a friend who had this thought?"

• "How does this thought affect me?"

I also found the questions posed in Byron Katie's book The Work useful, read my blog post here.

Then, I considered alternative interpretations: I thought of alternative, more positive or realistic ways to interpret the same situation. This involves looking for a silver lining or considering other outcomes that could be more beneficial or likely.

Following that, I developed a new narrative: I constructed a new narrative based on a more positive or balanced viewpoint. This narrative acknowledged difficulties but also highlighted resilience, potential positive outcomes, and personal strengths.

I then practised the new narrative: I regularly reminded myself of this new perspective and practised thinking in these new terms. This involved writing down the new narrative, repeating it mentally, or discussing it with others.

Lastly, I evaluated and adjusted how the new narrative affected my feelings and behaviours over time. I adjusted the narrative as needed to ensure it remained realistic and supportive.

This is what helped me steer my mental state towards more productive and positive outcomes, empowering me to handle life's challenges with greater resilience. Here are the pros and cons to consider.

Pros

1. Regularly engaging in positive self-talk can decrease symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.

2. This practice helps individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, leading to better self-understanding.

3. By reframing negative thoughts, people can build resilience and better cope with life’s challenges.

4. Positive self-talk can enhance self-esteem and confidence, empowering individuals in their personal and professional lives.

5. Encouraging self-talk can motivate individuals to take action and pursue their goals with greater determination.

Cons

1. It can be challenging and time-consuming to consistently monitor and change one’s internal dialogue.

2. Confronting and changing deeply ingrained negative thoughts can be uncomfortable and emotionally taxing at first.

3. Effectively changing self-talk often requires guidance and practice, and not everyone may have immediate access to these resources.

4. For those with severe mental health issues, self-talk exercises should complement, not replace, professional treatment such as therapy or medication.

5. There’s a risk of becoming unrealistically optimistic, which can lead to overlooking real challenges and setbacks.

"Speak to yourself like someone you love. Nurture your inner dialogue, and watch how it transforms your reality."

Reflective Question: "How would your day change if you replaced every negative thought with a positive affirmation?"

Thank you for reading.

Dionne

PS. Check out Reevew, the Personal Growth toolkit, dedicated to helping you master yourself, by answering thought-provoking questions to know and grow yourself. https://reevew.co